In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
