I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
