The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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