if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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