So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
