Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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