K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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