Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
