I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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