it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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