Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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