so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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