You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck appropriateness.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
