this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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