So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
