But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
