Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
