Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize