You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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