I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
