Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
