don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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