You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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