Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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