I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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