the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
