Sry I called you an 8
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
