i permit you to call me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
