I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
