and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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