Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
