I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
