i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
