it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
