I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
