you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
