just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
