I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
