Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
