I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
