just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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