There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
