There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
