I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
