There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
