a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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