Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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