OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
