I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
