Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
