I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
