Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
