some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
