My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
