Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
