I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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