My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
