is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize