I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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