Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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