so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
