So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
