just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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