I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize