dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
