He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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