The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
