Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
