you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
