It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
