Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
