u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
