i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
