His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
