Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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