a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
