I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
