A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
