i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
