Please, let me fuck your mom
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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