I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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