We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
