So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
