Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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